Handle With Cake

I used to have a greader where I could share with my internet friends, but google ruined everything and now I have this.

(818): We’re just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
(619): I will find you…